Discipline, time blocking, routine, motivation - sometimes none of it works.
When it doesn't don't be like be and fight it endlessly. See it for what it is - a demand for change.
It took me longer than it should but I've finally settled into a sort of Structured Flexibility.
A way of working that allows me to still have the structure and routine that I crave and need while at the same time allowing for flexibility to readjust, add, remove, and just let life be without me loosing my sanity.
The past few weeks have been a lot of adjustments. And a lot of infighting between priorties - what's more important? School, work, content, work life balance?
I thought I had it all planned out. Specific days were school days, others work. Life didn't agree. It was just that, life, and got in the way. Took away from any school or work day at will. Stress galore. I was totally loosing it. And getting way behind on everything (I still am!)
But then I let me breath. I allowed for change. I allowed myself to have all the structure that I need to make it work but at the same time had permission to change it as I needed.
It's been life changing.
No more school or work days. Some are both.
No more working when all you are thinking of is the school deadline.
No more going for a run even though you know you shouldn't unless you want to get injured (yes, I am that bad - it's in the schedule I'd better do it).
No more getting angry at myself when I need to make a doctors appointment and actually go.
Best of all, flexibility as to what day of the weekend I will use to catch up so that V and I can enjoy the wind when it's here and hit the water.
Why was this sooooo hard for me to do?
And belive me, it was super hard, but I'm happy I'm starting to figure it out. That I'm slowly being gentler with myself.
The disciple, structure, and intense time keeping are the way I made it until now.
It's time to move on - let motivation, desire, and drive take over and make it happen that way.
Time to find my balance.
Currently Reading:
All the documents supporting the UK-US data bridge
Preservation: The Art of and Science of Canning, Fermentation, and Dehydration by Christina Ward
Der Gang vor die Hunde by (one of my favourit authors since I’ve been a child) Erich Kästner