Speaking always takes me through a journey of feelings.
Creating a new talk has be starting on a high, excited to further develop and idea and share it with others.
Then, once most is formulated and the final slides have been designed, usually after the first practice run through, all that doubt kicks in. When did I ever think this was a good idea? Who's going to care about what I have to say?
Always near giving up.
But at this point there are commitments that I can't bail on so I just keep practicing. Re-working slides over and over again. Over thinking the wording.
But most importantly I keep practicing.
Once the day comes closer none of the doubt leaves me, instead it starts boiling over. You get sick. Physically sick. It's shit.
And suddenly you are standing there. In front of a packed room or faces. Some you recognise, friends, others you have no idea.
All that practice pays off. You just go with it. You flow.
That excitement comes back. That high. You remover why you wanted to share your thoughts.
No care in the world about others - if one person leaves with something from it I've done my job.
This week I got to do this - twice.
Once live, once online.
If the live one failed. If the talk didn't take. The online one would have gone on anyway. It freaked me out.
Thankfully it didn't tank.
It went well. It triggered some great conversations. Created new connections.
And that is why I do this. This is why I keep developing my ideas around concepts to share with anyone that wants to listen. For connections. For conversations.
So yes, it's a journey of feelings I don't want to go through but one with a reward that makes it all worth it.
Thank you to everyone that listened and especially to those who let it move into conversations.
Currently Reading:
The Philosophy of Cybersecurity by Artur Kurasinski and Lukasz Olejnik
Best short read of the week
Survey of Current Universal opt out mechanism
Best privacy read of the week
Same as above
The LED - Law Enforcement Directive (for school)