It’s been a test of drive, motivation, desire, and will.
It’s been a battle with doubt and insecurities.
I’ve gone from being the dumbest person in the world, to “what the fuck am I doing” to yeah-sure-you-got-this-in-your-dreams.
School starts Monday and it’s done a number on me. What qualifies me to hang with a bunch of super lawyers and DPOs to study in the same program as them?
What makes me think I can do this?
I should know this pattern by now. I experience it for every new client that’s some sort of super cool. For every new talk I’m about to deliver. For any workshop that I’m honored to give.
Regardless of the pattern I still get sucked in.
Regardless of being able to predict it it still happens.
So I let it be. I cried. I screamed. I went for a run. I went for a swim. I didn’t sleep and then slept so much I was missing meetings.
And now I’m out on the other end. On the train the day before a new 2 year adventure of which I’m not sure what to expect.
Why did I let it be? Why did I not talk myself out of it?
All that drama in my head also makes me get it all together. It drives me to get some sort of control. To make lists. To organize my schedule.
That’s what I did.
Remembered routines, organized availability, scheduled in time to study, work, and train. Foresaw issue and scheduled in buffers.
Best of all - I also scheduled in non-schedule-able time.
Yup. I did it. I put big blockers where I’m not allowed to schedule shit. Where I allow my brain to process everything I have taken in. Where my body get’s to dictate if it wasn’t to rest or go for a hike. Where I get to enjoy spontaneous date night or nights out.
A lot of random cases assigned for school.